Parenting in Modern-Day America

Parents with younger kids: Do you worry if you’re stimulating your kids enough?  Do you wonder if you should be doing more crafts with them or reading more books to them?  If you’re giving them enough attention?  Feeding them super healthy? Do you worry you are screwing them up based on the parenting philosophy you’ve chosen?  Parents with older kids:  Do you worry if you are giving your kids the best education?  Do you worry about their future careers and if they’ll get into a good college?  Their self-esteem and their success?  Their safety? Their health?

CALM DOWN!  (And I’m saying this to myself, too)

If you compare the lives of kids today with those throughout the history of the human race, we have thankfully come a long way.

Basically, throughout time, children were looked at as little adults.  They “came of age” young and began apprenticeships or worked little jobs to help feed their families.    saggar_ladsIf they didn’t work outside the house, many worked around the house and weren’t able to attend school regularly.  Many didn’t learn how to read or write. Girls were married off young, even before the teenage years or adolescence.  There wasn’t much of a childhood.  I suppose I’m thinking mostly of the poor or working class, but that was the majority of people throughout time.

Today, our children can’t get a formal job until they’re 15.  Education is mandatory.  Deadly diseases are not seen as a huge threat to children. They have a long childhood full of play and stimulation.  kidsAs long as we parent them with love, we need not stress and obsess about all the details. Kids are incredibly resilient, despite what some modern “experts” say in laying guilt upon us.  I used to think I might damage my kids by letting them “cry it out” and that they wouldn’t learn to trust me.  I’ve come to realize that these are just small details in their lives and if they grow up in a loving family, these details aren’t going to be more significant than all the other millions of details of how we talk to them each day, how we discipline them, how we hug and kiss them.  I have opinions on what is a preferable way to raise kids, but I’m realizing that kids will be just fine in thousands of different scenarios and who am I to judge what other parents are doing if their kids are not being abused or neglected?

Whether or not parents keep their kids at home or send them to daycare and public school.  Whether or not they cry-it-out or are rocked to sleep.  Whether or not they eat organically or a basic healthy diet (junk food, GMOs and other non-real food is a modern problem, I’ll admit).  Whether or not they can read by age 4 or by age 10.  If they never go on a vacation or go 20x while growing up. If they go to college or not.  If they become a trash collector or a CEO.  These are mostly first world worries.  And they do not define what we should really be concerned about.

 My biggest concern for modern children is that they run a higher risk of becoming spoiled or entitled or narcissistic.  These are the attitudes that cripple them and prevent them from living happy, free and successful adult lives.

How many toys or gadgets do they have?  Do they feel they are owed these things or that they deserve these and other shiny things that catch their eye?  Are they learning the importance of helping around the house as young kids and developing a good work ethic as older kids?  Do they think they are special and deserve special treatment?  Will they be able to live independent adult lives or will they be babied their whole lives and always taught to rely on their parents for phone payments, a car, someone to harass the teacher about a grade on a college paper.  (This helicopter parenting has actually reached college.  Aside from the stories I’ve read, my sister, a college professor, has even dealt with parents trying to complain or advocate for their “child’s” grade!)

This post is part 1 in a series relating to modern parenting.  The next post will be on the book The Narcissism Epidemic:Living in the Age of Entitlement.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. betty
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 17:05:14

    Amen, amen… lots of good words and thoughts in your blog. Great area to be looking into and comparing with other sets/cultures of people. And I see you found that Americans don’t have it all right. There’s always room for introspection and improvement. Keep up the good work. Give your kids a big hug (or two or three) today! ⛵️🚕🏡😳


  2. Megan Faye Gettelfinger
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 19:26:14

    Oh my goodness you speak to my heart with this!


  3. Rebekah
    Feb 22, 2014 @ 00:56:55

    Look forward to reading more! I never felt all pulled in twenty different directions with my first child, but I think in the last ten years even, maybe with the explosion of the internet and technology, it hash gotten worse.


  4. Deanna
    Feb 22, 2014 @ 01:37:08

    Thanks ladies. Rebekah, I think it has gotten worse in the past 10 years for those reasons and for the explosion of pop psychology books on parenting. My friends and I all went out and got these books hoping it would give us a clue on parenting, but in my opinion it wasn’t helpful. I’d rather follow my instincts.


  5. Emily Barnes
    Feb 26, 2014 @ 02:22:12

    Deanna – I am so glad we have found each other in the blogging world! Thank you for your kind comments on my post. Your words really helped a lot. And, so has this post. So well written. I pray that we are able to be parents who teach our children to be grateful for what they have.


  6. momocular
    Mar 09, 2014 @ 20:37:28

    Thank you! This is a beautifully written post on an important topic. I think about this a lot and struggle to find just the right balance. Your words are helpful! Looking forward to reading more.


  7. Trackback: Part 2: Modern-Day Parenting in America: Unintended Consequences | And I Will Be Free

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